A couple of days ago, something happened (which I will not go into) that upset me. It was a like a small stone landing on my large unsteady pile of doubt and insecurity, and it caused a landslide that destroyed everything in its path.
So yesterday, I quit writing.
Oh my goodness. I got so much done! I cleaned up and organized my little boy's bedroom. I washed like four loads of laundry and got them all folded and put away too. Parts of my house that haven't been cleaned in ages are now clean. I played my guitar. I took my kids shopping for a few things they needed. Oh the free time! The lack of stress and guilt! I could totally run for PTA President. Or take up scrapbooking. Or run a marathon or something.
Except by the time I went to bed (at a decent hour, no less!), I had a little, painful sliver of desire to curl up in my beanbag with my notebook.
So, today I will start again. Or maybe tomorrow. Or next week. But sometime soon I will start writing again.
Because I must.
Still, the landslide did a whole lot of damage and I'm going to have to find a way to repair it. Any suggestions you have are welcome. I am trying not to dwell on the small stone that started it. I know it's just a little rock, but at the moment it feels like a ten ton boulder in my heart. I know I'll need some time to heal. I won't call yesterday a day off or a short break because in my heart and mind, I really did quit. It was a kind of therapeutic.
Now, I guess I'm ready for a fresh start.
12 comments:
Quitting time is SO necessary, sometimes. I believe that the best decisions not to write are the proactive ones. Rather than saying "I want to write but can't find the time", it's better for our own psyche to say, "I'm not going to write today". I think it makes us more likely to pick it up tomorrow.
It's all about balance. I think a break away from anything, including writing, makes the time you spend doing it more enjoyable and productive. Sorry to hear you had a landslide of sorts. Maybe it was Someone's idea of letting you know you needed a break.
Samuel, thanks. I think it did me good. I have to admit that some Dove dark helped too!
I think these landslide moments come from an outside source. If your light (which is significant) can be smothered...
It's easy as writers to tell ourselves that stories and book-writing isn't all that important. But what about those moments in your life when something hard hit you and you found solace in a paper page? What about those times when you just needed to unwind? Or laugh? Or get a good cry-out? What about those times when you just needed to witness something heroic and selfless and courageous so that you could find a way to believe in humanity again?
Didn't you find that in the pages of a book? Didn't something that someone else wrote patch a wound inside of you or set your heart to racing or encouraged you to become better than you are?
How, in any sense, isn't that important? How isn't that powerful? How isn't that deeply, deeply meaningful? And how can it possibly be that YOU are not the means of doing the same for someone else?
These are the lies told from an outside source, Angie. You have a power to heal, uplift, save, and succor. I understand the landslide. They're rough. They're destructive. They're heartbreaking and soul-sucking and exhausting. But don't you ever give up. Don't you stop because who you are is what WE need. Need.
Accept a setback and take time to heal. But don't go. Carry on, continue upward, dig yourself out and set yourself free. You can do this. We need you to.
Love you.
*hugs* So sorry you had to survive a landslide, but I'm glad you did. I don't know what the stone was, but my only advice is to keep listening to your heart. Take a break. Live some life.
And when you feel like writing again, do that too. Just remember one thing, write for yourself. Write to satisfy that need deep within you and no one else. Not even agents. ;) When you write for you something wonderful will happen and you might just be surprised where things go from there.
Good luck sweetie!
Thank you, Charity. That's such great advice. I appreciate your support! <3
Sending hugs your way, Angie. I'm sorry something kicked off that landslide. You're a wonderful person and wonderful writer, and I'm glad your writer's heart is still hanging in there.
My thoughts are with you, Angie! It's so hard when life gets in the way of creativity. But I think in the end it actually helps build that creativity back up. Fresh starts are a blessing. *HUGS*
I completely empathize! Except my landslide is coming from the non-writing side of writing. That is what I am quitting! Soon, very soon! :)
Just don't quit for too long, Yolanda! Thanks for stopping by.
You are so loved by so many. We are all your fans and are just a small percentage! My heart would die a little if you quit writing forever. I'm so relieved it was temporary!!!
Jane, you are sweet. Thank you! I really appreciate all the support.
Post a Comment